Origin Story

One morning on my way to work, where I was about to be promoted, I had an intense fast forward vision of my life in which I was stuck in that meaningless job. Something in me just snapped. My Soul stopped asking for attention and slammed the breaks so hard that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. That day I almost made a u-turn on the highway, came back home, quit my job and collapsed.
Nothing made sense for a long time. I watched every mask, every label that I (or others) gave myself, falling off and crashing on the ground, until nothing remained. Completely deconstructed – depressed, vulnerable, confused and in pain. A long dark night of the soul. For several years I was not able to function in society. Taking care of my child and healing were taking up all my energy. Everything else stopped. I’m grateful to my friends, who stood by me in my darkness. Especially my dear friend and mentor Yanu, who helped me pierce through my own bullshit and gave me the tools to slowly dig my way out of the underworld. Creative expression played a big role in that process.

“It’s only after we lost everything, we’re free to do anything.” – Fight Club

Back to knots.. My first micro macramé experience was in 2011, in a small tent at Arambol Beach in India, talking about the meaning of life with a lovely man who taught me how to macramé. I practiced once in a while, then more seriously from 2015 under the name SisaTaki – a name given to me during plant medicine ceremony. I was trying to make a living selling jewellery while working jobs. Some I liked, some were sucking the soul out of me. Then came the breakdown and everything stopped.
A few months ago, around Autumn Equinox, I felt a shift. I could hear “the door to trauma land” slamming shut behind me. For years I didn’t touch my cords and stones, which were patiently waiting for me in dusty boxes. One day I woke up with a strong feeling that I have to pick up my craft again. Come out to the world, express myself and focus my full attention on this project. When my intuition speaks up, my mind gotta shut up and listen..
I have changed, so the way I do things has changed. That’s how Nodus Arcanum came to be.
The process of making macramé is quite slow. In the past often my head was in a way too much, so I used to anchor my attention on some “background noise”, like documentaries, movies or YouTube videos. Not a bad thing, but a bit random to be honest.
Right now, I still like to anchor my attention to something, but it became way more intentional. I’m seeing the information that comes through my ears as important part of the process. I’m taking in the story that I’m listening to, letting it run through my mind and body, and infusing the macramé piece with it. Knot by knot, I’m “programming” the necklace with a particular message. What do I listen to? Audiobooks on depth psychology and archetypes (I love Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés), books on esoteric knowledge, philosophy, spirituality. Podcasts focusing on these subjects (let me know if you want some recommendations).
Nodus means knot or node. Arcanum means secret, mystery or hidden knowledge. Together they can be read as hidden bonds, mysterious connections. For me, it represents many things on many levels: following the threads of my intuition and tying them together; creating little objects infused with magic: tools for transformation; helping out by teaching others this creative and meditative practice that has the power to lift us up; “connecting the dots” in my life..
If you’re still here, thank you for giving my story your attention. I feel it is time to step outside my comfort zone and share a bit of who I am and why I do what I do. I’m not sure where it will take me, but I know I gotta take first few steps.. off the cliff like The Fool in Major Arcana. His story doesn’t end at the bottom of a canyon and I trust that mine won’t either.